My boyfriend and I are pretty antisocial, to the extent that, when we do go out with our friends, the other rarely tags along. It’s nothing personal, simply that he doesn’t really care about my friends and I feel extremely anxious at the thought of being around big groups of people I don’t know, which tends to be the rare occasion he goes to spend time with his friends.
Tonight was no different. He asked me if I wanted to come along, I left it up to him. He said I probably wouldn’t want to go because it is a big group of people, the girlfriends/wives are usually separated from the fellas, and that he didn’t really want to go himself. (He’s exactly right, I would have freaked. It takes me a while to get comfortable enough with new people to not be awkward in every conversation.) He said he wasn’t going to be long, suggesting an hour or less.
Two or three hours later and I’m wondering ‘what the fuck?’. It’s not that I don’t want him hanging out with his friends or that we would really pay much attention to each other if we were both home, but I feel abandoned. It’s so over the top ridiculous, but I sit there wondering why he didn’t want me there, essentially second guessing the thing I was fine with.
That’s when it clicks.
This must be the way he feels when I forget to ask him if he wants to go to dinner with my friends (even though he doesn’t) or to go to bowling or another in town event (again, he doesn’t). It’s not a question of whether he wants to go (did I mention, he doesn’t?), it’s the idea that I didn’t extend an invite and make him feel wanted, accepted, and, you know, that I’m not ashamed of him.
So.. thank goodness for the reminder of how it feels to be at home when your spouse has something going on and let it be a reminder to extend that offer even when it is sure to be turned down and to text when I’m going to be later than I mentioned.