I’ve been baby crazy for years. I don’t think I ever really got out of the baby crazy stage, but I am “responsible” to the extent where there is always an excuse or a better situation to wait for. Getting older, I’ve decided “Fuck It”, everyone else is having babies, why can’t I?
The boyfriend pretends to be on board, but his philosophy is that if it happens, it happens. It’s been about a year of me wanting, but us not trying and I’m literally crying as I write this because it hurts so bad that I’m at a place he doesn’t want to be at.
I asked him if he would legitimately try next month and he looked at me like I’m crazy and finally confessed that yes, he would be open to it, but no, it wasn’t a priority to him. And he wonders why I’m upset?! Seriously. He asked me why I’m so emotional over this when he said he’s okay with it. He says he doesn’t want to want a baby because then he will be like me and be obsessive and upset when it doesn’t happen.
So.. today, I’m thankful for expectations and knowing when to reset them, even when it hurts like a motherfucker.